Sports Illustrated Column on PGA Merge with LIV Golf

Buzz of the highly anticipated merger between PGA and LIV Golf has been brewing. Opinions vary as the golf industry stands on the precipice of gaining billions. However, the longstanding rival between PGA and LIV Golf can’t go unnoticed with a tumultuous relationship of lawsuits and finger-pointing looming in their past. The turmoil will be put to rest as the two entities come together. Unfortunately, as a victim of 9/11, the marriage of these two establishments leaves me disconcerted.

I’m a victim of 9/11, having lost my father in the World Trade Center when I was 16 years-old. My dad, Jeffrey Goldflam, was the CFO for Cantor Fitzgerald. My memoir, Chasing Butterflies: The True Story of a Daughter of 9/11, follows my journey as a teen into adulthood, learning to navigate through life while coping with the loss of my father.

Just a few months shy of the 20th anniversary of the attacks, Phil Mickelson won the PGA Championship in 2021. Not long after, a family vacation to South Carolina allowed my children to run and play along the majestic greens of the Ocean Course, the site of Mickelson’s victory. A fluffy brown teddy bear wearing a PGA Championship shirt now sits on my son’s bookshelf, an adulating reminder of our trip. At that time, I never could have imagined that PGA would become entangled with the politics of September 11th.

As a victim of 9/11, I look for solace in many places. These are the moments when I’m gratefully distracted from thoughts that consume my mind on a daily basis. Thoughts like, how did my dad die? Did he feel any pain? Lately the thoughts have included my children as I struggle with the fact that they will never know their grandfather. Or, how to explain his death to them, as they often ask: “Mommy, where is your daddy?”

The golf course is a place my family goes to escape that reality. Many Saturday mornings I’m in the kitchen making breakfast for my two young children while my husband squeezes in nine-holes, eighteen if he’s lucky. The course is a place where I can watch my three-year-old son wear his PGA tour shirt and attempt to hit a hole-in-one. It’s a place where I watch my five-year-old daughter walk hand-in-hand with her dad, as they create lifelong memories along the greens. On weekend afternoons we frequently have the TV playing, watching Rickie Fowler and Rory McIlroy working their A-games. Lately, professional golf has taken a turn and is no longer the delightful distraction that I once enjoyed.

As The United States is about to get into bed with LIV Golf, an entity controlled by the Saudi Crown, it leaves me feeling unsettled. Fifteen of the 19 hijackers on 9/11 were from Saudi Arabia and Osama Bin Laden was born there. Bin-Laden’s tactical planning of the attacks combined with Saudi Officials funding al-Qaeda is enough to put golf lovers in a tailspin. The terrorist attacks aside, Saudi Arabia is responsible for the murder of Washington Post columnist Jamal Khashoggi.

No matter how you slice it; tax write off’s, billions in the bank, worldwide exposure, I wonder – is it all worth the message being sent to the victims of terrorism and to the world? The PGA Tour used a moral high ground when it was convenient to protect their business. Now, they are willing to shed their supposed morality to protect their business interests in the face of mounting law suits. Saudi Arabia, a country which is known for violating human rights in the most brutal of ways is able to have a seat at the table in the game of golf. The writing on the wall clearly states that money comes first and has the ability to overlook the fundamental issues that broke the backbone of this country as we struggled to rebuild and gain stability after that dark Tuesday morning in September.

The merge of PGA and LIV Golf is just another example of how victims of terrorism are our own unique community and it is our job to come together to create a voice for one another. We must stand strong and united in the message that our loved ones cannot be forgotten and their lives will always be meaningful and important to us. Sunday afternoons will no longer include watching the professionals play and finish the endurance of a 72-hole tournament. My family will always bond over the game of golf. Whether it’s taking the kids for a ride in the golf cart or traveling to a beautiful golf resort, there are still many more good times to be had. It’s important that my children learn to continue their passion without abandoning what’s engraved in their DNA; that we are a 9/11 family.

Top 10 Tips For Aspiring Authors

1.Even if the ideas are flowing, take some time off. Sure, spend a whole day writing. Get all of your thoughts out. Then be sure to take the next 24 hours computer free. A fresh mind allows you to think about the storyline and come to realizations about whether things work or don’t.

2. Do your research. If you’re writing about present day, include major world events that make it relatable to everyone. What kind of music is playing in the background? What are the popular movies out? What’s the political and economic state of the country / world in? When others read they will be able to relate better. It’s important to write correctly, Google is your best friend. Get all the information that you can about the time and place that you’re writing about. Example, if your story takes place in Paris, France - What streets are you walking down? What do the surroundings sound like? Are you in a corporate neighborhood or residential neighborhood? What time of year is it? What’s the weather there like? All of these elements paint a picture for the reader.

3. Read then re-read, and re-read again. Silently, then aloud. You will catch many errors.

4. Don’t share your writing with friends or family until you are 100% sure of your story. People will tell you to change things: characters, problems , solutions… know your story better than anyone and take opinions from others with a grain of salt, unless they’re a professional: agent, editor, publisher.

5. Put some money into your dream. Nothing comes for free. That doesn’t mean spend a fortune. However, if you want to write a book correctly, you need the proper guidance. A copy editor and cover illustrator are a must.

6. No one will market your book like you will. It’s your passion and your dream. So don’t count on anyone else to get the job done. Update your social media consistently. Spread the word in your local neighborhood about your book. Pass out a few free copies to people that will relate to the book and spread the word to others.

7. Map out your story before you begin writing. Do a timeline: Over how many months or years does the story take place? What will happen in each chapter? Is there a problem, resolution, and enough twists to keep the reader interested? Next, what are the main events that happen, specifically in each chapter? Even if you jot down some bullet points, it will help you organize your thoughts before beginning to write a full chapter.

8. Don’t rush. Take your time. My memoir took a decade to write. I had years that I wasn’t inspired and my computer sat under my bed. That’s okay. Don’t write and force yourself. It has to be when you’re motivated and full of ideas . The readers will know you were struggling and it’ll be a struggle for them as well.

9. Try a pen and paper. Thoughts come out differently opposed to typing on the computer.

10. Take classes, ask questions, and surround yourself with the right people. Find local writing conventions, author readings with Q&A’s afterward, a local college offering writing classes. As a writer, you can always be better. There’s always more to know. Feed your brain.

Bonus - Surround yourself with positive people, yummy snacks, and your favorite cocktails. Not for writing purposes, it just makes life more fun!

Happy Birthday to Chasing Butterflies

Chasing Butterflies was published about a year ago today. This memoir had been sitting on my computer for a decade and was finally let out into the world. It’s been an incredible and surreal experience to watch from the sidelines as the book travels in and out of the hands of readers. The book is constantly relevant as the world spins and the anniversaries of September 11th continue. With its first revolution around the sun, here’s what I’ve heard the most.

Great comments from readers (From Australia to Switzerland, and England too!)

“I was able to relate to the book so much ever since I lost my brother / dad / mom”.

“I gained a different perspective of 9/11 through your eyes, thank you.”

“It’s the voice of a generation.”

“Your dad would be so proud.”

Interesting questions from readers:

“Was your family embarrassed when they read about your dating?”

I’m pretty sure the most intimate detail in the memoir was a kissing/cuddling scene. Very PG-13. Regardless, my family was so focused on the bigger picture. Topics of my dad, 9/11, fears, and triumphs. Anything other than that was simply silly to discuss.

“Whats next?”

Two Childrens books. One that I wrote on my own and another that I am co-writing with a friend who also lost her dad on 9/11.

“How was your experience on The Today Show?”

The Today Show was wonderful to me. They run like a well oiled machine. I felt so prepared and it was always clear that I was in the best of hands from the pre-interview all the way to the on air interview. Filming on the anniversary of 9/11 was very difficult but overall I’m so happy that I did it. And yes, Hoda and Savannah really are that nice!

“Have you thought about trying to get Chasing Butterflies made into a film?”

Yes , working on it slowly. It’s a process.

Any regrets?

I had an interview with The Wall Street Journal and was asked “Do you think people will dislike the memoir because it has moments of a fun and flirty tone? While also discussing the serious topic of 9/11.”

When the article was printed - it read as if I had said “ People may not like my memoir because of the fun/flirty tone.” That was a question asked to me - never something I would bring up on my own.

Overall, the WSJ published a beautiful story about perseverance but I wish I spoke up when I saw something that I felt was inaccurate.

Another regret, I misunderstood a question during an interview on Fox. There was no pre-interview which leaves room for error. Reporter Neil Cavuto asked what I would tell the younger generations about 9/11. How would I explain this to them? He was referring to his own teenage children. In retrospect, I should have answered - Tuesdays Children. It’s an incredible organization, giving back to families effected by mass violence. It was created because of 9/11 and the tremendous need for families to gain support and a helping hand. If a teen needs to gain perspective on 9/11, participating and giving back to Tuesdays Children is where they should start.

The big takeaways on Chasing Butterflies first birthday is that I’m proud to put my history and memories to paper so that my children will always have a piece of me with them. As hard as it was to be vulnerable, it was rewarding to put work into the world that was authentic and genuine. Especially during a time when so much on social media portrays peoples lives as perfect. It’s incredibly important to be real and allow others to relate to your story so that we all feel connected and uplift one another.

I’ll leave it at that - Happy Birthday to Chasing Butterflies. I can’t wait to see what another year in the world will look like for this memoir. Stay tuned…

Readers Reach Out

I love when readers reach out and ask me follow up questions to Chasing Butterflies. Recently, I received this question:

In your book you said many times that you didn’t like discussing 9/11 or your dad. So what made you decide to write Chasing Butterflies? How were you able to go from not sharing your story to suddenly sharing everything?

I find this question so important because it shows how grief can change over time. It also shows how an individual’s perspective on life can evolutionize and change. And isn’t that the beauty of life? Constantly growing into a better and stronger version of yourself?

When I was a teen and in my early twenties, I felt defined by 9/11. Naturally, I wanted to escape from that label. I yearned to be just like everybody else. That’s what I strived to do, attending college, getting a job in Manhattan after graduation, dating, and trying to live a “normal” life. A regular and happy life that my dad would have wanted for me - after experiencing such heavy tragedy in my youth.

As I matured into my thirties and continued my passion for writing, I hit one problem. I can only write what I know. I don’t write novels or fantasy. I see a computer and tap on the keys and what comes out of me is the experience that I’ve had, the laughs and sorrows that life has handed me. I write what I know - and what I know is 9/11, losing my dad, and overcoming tragedy. I also know about finding love and creating a happy family. Side note, I also know how to make great cocktails and dance like nobody’s watching but that’s for another blog.

When I completed Chasing Butterflies I wanted it to be a novel so that I didn’t have to own my words. It could just be a work of fiction. But that didn’t sell. Chasing Butterflies only got a gold star if it was a memoir, that’s what gave the story a pulse. (My wonderful literary agent gave me this advice).

About a month before my memoir was published, my agent Jeff said, “Are you sure you’re ready for this? There’s no turning back.” My story was going to be out there. Everyone could know everything about me by picking up this book and reading it cover to cover. I thought about this for so long. This is where the famous saying goes, you have to believe in yourself. Deep down I knew that I had a story worth telling.

The biggest reason I decided to publish is because my children and grandchildren will one day have this incredible key to my heart. This story will live on longer than I will. My dads name and his legacy will also continue on as readers flip through the pages. It’s my greatest goal to show the world that overcoming tragedy brings so much joy to life. It truly is how you pick yourself up and move forward that defines you. I want my children to see that. And maybe somewhere, my dad can see all of this and know that he did a good job with me. Lastly, I put my heart into Chasing Butterflies. But a lady never reveals all of her secrets. There’s many more memories, both good and bad, that have yet to be uncovered. After all, I had to save something for book number two.

How’s The Writing Going?

When I wrote the bulk of Chasing Butterflies it was a great escape. I was postpartum, taking care of my three month old daughter. It was mid winter, the Manhattan streets were slushy from snow, and every exhale created a small cloud of condensation in the air. It floated into the sky, a reminder of the sub-zero temperature. Not exactly ideal weather to stroll around a newborn. So I stayed home a lot, cuddling with my baby girl. But my brain felt like it was sleeping , not challenged or churning. I needed more intellectual stimulation, something separate from changing diapers, pouring formula, and making horrible swaddles that came apart too easily.

I dusted off the laptop that had been sitting under my bed for a few years and began to type. I felt an electricity through my body, like my brain had a purpose, a goal, to finish this book that I had put on the back burner when I decided to have children. It was the perfect dose of medicine I needed, a reminder that I had a talent and dreams to nurture.

Many people have asked what’s going on with my writing now. I’ll say that I’m working on a 9/11 Children’s book along with a sequel to Chasing Butterflies. However, instead of my laptop collecting dust under my bed it’s now broken on my kitchen counter, in need of repair. But I don’t seem in a rush to get it fixed. In this moment , I don’t want the escape. As I chase two kids around the house and work on creating a new home and memories with my family, that’s my focus. I want to live in the present. Not typing on my laptop while the kids run around, often times banging on the keys and deleting my work. I am choosing to be present with them.

So as for the writing, it’s happening slowly. I’m sure in future situations will be a much needed vacation for my mind as I tap on the keyboard and mentally drift away. For now, today at least, it’s just momming, and that’s okay with me.

Marketing, Momming, & Marathons

A true author will tell you that their book being published is the easy part. Well, not necessarily easy when I think back on the decade of writing, two years of editing, and then nail biting anxiety as Chasing Butterflies was released. A looming question floated in the air around me, how will people respond to it? As my memoir approaches it’s eighth month in the world, I continue on the long road of marketing.

Any writer will tell you, having a book is like having a baby. In my case, pushing out my two children was actually easier than writing Chasing Butterflies. So it’s natural that just like I’d do anything for my kids, I’d also do anything for that book. After all, it’s my third baby. Just as I strive for my kids to be happy and exposed to everything so they have every opportunity to succeed, the same goes for a published book. I continue to endure the marathon of marketing. If it was legal, I’d cartwheel naked around the streets with Chasing Butterflies written all over my body. Do you think that would increase sales and visibility? I need to do a lot more Pilates before that’s a serious consideration. 

So for you serious authors out there, or for anyone with a passion - it doesn’t end once you’ve crossed the finish line. If you’re like me, that ribbon at the end of the race continues to get farther away as I think I see it around the bend. My daily life other than being a glamorous version of an Uber driver and horrible chef for my children is thinking of ways to grow Chasing Butterflies. I’ve found that everything now is about Social Media. For a 37 year old, suburban mom, it’s too much to handle. There’s Instagram, Facebook, TikTok, Snapchat and who knows what else (being invented as I speak just to overwhelm me even more). 

I do giveaways and collaborations to keep readers interested. That aside, I spend my time attempting to send my book to celebrities, influencers, and passionate readers. I live at the post office, mailing out copies, giving them a kiss before bidding them farewell and hoping the memoir actually reaches the intended person and isn’t thrown in a fan mail junk pile. Speaking of which, it is IMPOSSIBLE to get this book in Jenna Bush Hagers hands. Please pray for me, this must happen. My dad being killed on 9/11 and the fact that her dad was President on 9/11, there’s an undeniable connection between us.

When that’s said and done I’m back at my laptop (which is currently broken so I need a new one). Good thing my birthday is in February, by the way, should I get a Mac or PC? Anyway, staying relevant and continuing the sequel to Chasing Butterflies along with a 9/11 Childrens Book is keeping me very busy. There’s a lot going on in the kitchen. Metaphorically, as I’m never actually cooking in my kitchen. 

So to sum up this weeks blog, the book isn’t finished just because it’s published. It’s an ongoing push to get it seen and heard in the world. I’ll continue doing so to keep the memory of 9/11 alive and to give back to Tuesday’s Children Organization. Follow me on Insta for daily updates. 

PS- I wrote this blog in the parking lot of my sons school before pick up. #momlife #momwritelife 

PPS - Is it cool anymore to even do the hashtags?

COVID with Kids

I’ve gone through many phases while parenting through COVID. In 2020, I was living in Manhattan when the world shut down. It was then that my two-year-old daughter touched all of the buttons in the elevator in our apartment building. To my distress, her hands quickly went to her lips where she proceeded to lick her fingers. That’s when the visual of lethal, spikey COVID cells would infiltrate her system.  Fortunately we managed through 2020, and most of the last two years, without testing positive. 

Now, two years later, my kids are both in preschool and any parent with children in school will attest that it’s a whole new world, one certainly not as majestic or inspiring as the world in Aladdin. COVID with children often feels like a warped game of spin the bottle. The randomness of who the bottle lands on, an equivalent of the unlucky household that has to deal with COVID. There’s no rhyme or reason for who catches it. School today seems to be a revolving door of exposures, followed by rapid tests, PCR tests, and multi-day quarantines. At this point taking a COVID test reminds me of taking pregnancy tests before I was ready to have children. Just hoping that swab doesn’t light up with the words “you’re pregnant” and life changes forever. Except now instead of finding out you’re having a baby it’s realizing you’re stuck at home with your babies for what seems like an eternity. 

At first it’s great. That uninterrupted family time. We are the lucky ones, right? The people who have gotten COVID and been mostly healthy and asymptomatic. But let’s face it, the constant family time has the shelf span of freshly sliced fruit at the grocery store. It’s amazing on days one and two; sweet and refreshing. Then on days three and four it doesn’t have the same finesse. There’s a hint of bitterness, just like the attitudes of the little ones, but we let it slide. And as the week progresses and the fruit goes sour, so do our moods. 

Parenting while quarantining has also reminded me that my mom game is not where it should be. Did you know it’s a thing now to send quarantine gifts? Once, I opened my front door to find an adorable little jewelry making kit for my daughter while she was home in quarantine. My mom friends sure are sweet. Although, it’s as if I didn’t have mom shame enough for being consistently late to drop off, not cooking home made dinners, and sometimes giving the kids dessert before dinner. Now I’m the mom that hasn’t sent quarantine gifts to my friends who’ve been stuck at home. 

There’s also the class Zooms during quarantine. My daughter’s school did an amazing job organizing these. I was proud of myself too. I got my daughter dressed, hair combed, supplies ready for use as the Zoom began. Then snack time came at 10am. I found myself sliding around the kitchen in my socks, looking for the quickest treat to toss over to her so she could Zoom eat with her friends. Gummy bears, sure why not?  At least they were organic!

It wasn’t until I was chatting with a fellow mom and she said, “ Did you see the snack that little Jimmy was eating on Zoom? I just don’t do junk food for snacks so early in the morning.” At that moment, I had a choice. I could stand up for that mom that rushed to find her child a snack, just like myself, and the gummy bears were the first treat in the front of the pantry. I could own the fact that it’s hard to be a mom and say, hey! give that mom a break, we are all trying our best.

Instead, I nodded my head in agreement as I mouthed the words “Totally, who does that?” To all the parents out there during quarantine, may the force be with you (along with lots of wine). 

9/11 Children’s Book

In all of my interviews on the 20th anniversary of 9/11, I was asked the same question. How will you explain this to your child? I’d reply with complete honesty every time when I’d said, “I’m hoping to avoid it like the plague.” Reporters would give a little laugh, mostly relating to the sentiment because they have their own child and have avoided the 9/11 discussion as well.  My children are just four and two years old. My older child Jade now understands that my dad is no longer here. She knows his name and can recognize him in a picture. She’s recently began asking what happened to him. Those are the moments I run to the window and shout, “Look, a rabbit!” While Jade rushes to the refrigerator to grab carrots, crisis averted. These situations have had me thinking, is it time to tell her? 

Maybe there is a way to explain this to her. After all, kids her age watch Disney. They’ve seen Mufasa die in a stampede in the Lion King. Or Bambi’s mom, I’ll never look at a baby deer the same again. From a very young age, kids have seen death and to some degree, understand it. So why not make 9/11 something that can be explained in a way that’s concrete and gives the facts? Without going into explicit detail.

A few weeks after the 20th anniversary, I got a call from my friend, Corinne. Our fathers worked very closely at Cantor Fitzgerald. They most likely took their last breaths together. Corinne and I are forever linked. It’s as if the event of 9/11 seeped through our pores, bleeding into our bodies and forever changed our DNA, now encoded with Tuesday’s Children genes. That’s what we are, products of that day. It was one of the fastest decisions I’d ever made when Corinne said we should write a children’s book about 9/11 together. She had me at hello. 

There’s steps and logistics to writing a book. You can’t just have an idea and go with it. There has to be research and evidence that the story is needed. So to the drawing board I went, creating an excel sheet of every picture book about 9/11 for children, and I noticed the same inconsistency throughout. Nothing was personal or heartfelt, it was bland, void of feelings and evidence that actual precious lives were lost that day. I wouldn't want to read any of these to my kids to explain what happened to my dad. It was meant to be. Corinne and I would write this story together. Who better to explain 9/11 to children then two girls who lost their parents that day? We both happen to be elementary school teachers too, an added bonus.

We’ve created an incredible book and down the road, it will be available for purchase. Our goal is to reach young children, around pre-k to the early elementary grades. That’s all I can say without giving any of the good stuff away. So on what little kid could I test this book? Like a focus group. I was in my kitchen one day sipping a steamy cup of coffee when Jade whizzed by on her pink scooter(on our newly stained hardwood floors). Yup, she’d be perfect. 

I sat her down and we read the book cover to cover. Her eyes scanned the pages and took in the colors. Her questions were intelligent and appropriate. Tingles ran up and down my legs as I thought, we have a winner! This is working . As the story came to an end Jade sat quietly, her brown eyes stared up at the ceiling. “So grandpa Jeff was in that building?”

I nodded, “yes love”. 

Her fingers stuck to the white pages as she flipped through the story. “And there were hero’s, who helped people.” Her face met mine and her inquisitive eyes locked in on me. 

“That’s correct. That’s  where my daddy was. And we are grateful for all of the wonderful people that tried to help everyone get out of the buildings.”

Her pink lips turned upward in a smile and she lifted her body out of the velvet chair. “I want a snack mom, let’s go get ice-cream.” Just like that, she went on to the next activity. She never brought the book up again. Even when we mention my dad , Jade doesn’t talk about the story I read to her about the Towers and it’s history. It’s possible she quickly forgot. Or chose to forget. Or maybe the book was a complete doozy?  As I think about it, my chest tightens and I feel immense relief. Yup, she’s still too young. 

Now I know to increase the age range of the book and hope my daughter doesn’t need therapy. Note to self, don’t use your child when operating heavy machinery, or when testing out a new book. Better luck next time.

The Race for the Ring and becoming Chasing Butterflies

People have asked how I wrote my memoir and what the process was. I don’t believe there’s one way to write. It’s different for everyone and no process is the same. I believe I have writing in my blood. My grandmother was a writer back in the 1970’s. I inherited her passion and have been putting pen to paper from an early age, around six-years-old. I had a journal and found it fascinating to record my thoughts, then years later reflect and relive those memories.

In my twenties, I was dating and working in Manhattan, post college life. It was a merry- go-round of small apartments, roommates, going out late at night and waking up early for work the next day. Dating was a sport at that time. Each guy a puzzle as I’d mix and match the pieces in my mind, trying to imagine if he could fit into my life. I’d jot down my experiences, just like Taylor Swift after each break up. But there were no tear drops on my guitar, just on my keyboard. Before I knew it, I had a contemporary Sex and the City(ish) novel on my hands. It’s title was: The Race For The Ring (so intellectually stimulating, I know). Fast forward, all of my friends got married before me so I lost the race.

In the world of writing a book, one hopes for a literary agent, their job is to get the manuscript in the hands of a publisher. It’s a long and excruciating process. I tried, sending out dozens of query letters to publishing houses across New York. I imagine that query letter, piled among thousands in some random inbox , like a needle in a haystack, never seeing the light of day.

I found out that The New School in Manhattan was having a meet and greet with literary agents and for a small fee, I could attend the event and pitch my manuscript to the best in the business. This was like speed dating on crack. Rows of plastic folding chairs filled an expansive conference room. The bell would ring and a game of musical chairs would begin. Writers moved from folding chair to folding chair, pitching their stories until the sun went down. Did I get any bites on The Race for the Ring? With a hot title like that, how could I not? But my book didn’t have that X factor. So I pushed my laptop under my bed as it collected dust for many years and from then on I was quite busy. I got married and had a baby - no big deal.

Years later, my daughter was napping and I sat there staring at her porcelain plump cheeks. I thought, what happened to that novel I was writing? Also, how do I occupy my time when my child sleeps more hours of the day then she’s actually awake? I dusted off my computer but quickly realized that this time was different. I didn’t have any more dating stories. After all, I was married. So what would I write about? I did have my past. It was packed with more tears, heartbreak, and sadness to fill a complete library. So why not?

That’s where the journey of writing about 9/11 began. Memories of my dad, of the attacks, of better times like family vacations. The special small moments like sitting on the couch with my dad eating pretzels and drinking soda. From the biggest catastrophes to the tiniest of tokens that I now value as priceless memories, it was all put down on paper. Now I had two very different stories. One was a novel about dating. The genre of a novel was perfect because I didn’t have to own my words, it could be fiction. It’s fun, pretend, and a figment of my imagination. It was all my own experience but I was scared to own it. Then there were the stories of my dad and 9/11. It was raw and emotional. Labeling this fiction would give it no weight, no intensity. To have lived that horrific day in history and write about it with authenticity, I’d have to own it 100%. I’d have to jump in and call this what it was, a story of my life. So that’s when the title and genre completely changed. I had my memoir, Chasing Butterflies: The True Story of a Daughter of 9/11.

Once my daughter turned two, I’d drop her off at school for three hours in the morning. I’d go to the Starbucks next door with my laptop and write. A chapter a day, that was my goal. Write, edit, tie up loose ends. At 11:55am I’d quickly close my computer and hustle out the door, pushing it open as the brisk winter chill hit my face, and go into mom mode to pick up Jade at school.

I spent the next two years weaving the stories of sex and dating meets daughter losing father together. I wrote, and rewrote, then rewrote some more. I think chapter one has been changed at least five times. I’d print out the manuscript, then start shuffling around the pages, maybe chapter four is really chapter two? It’s like a Tetris game, trying to intertwine the stories and chapters perfectly. Just like the game, hoping for a sound structure at the end and not something that comes crumbling down.

Meeting my agent was complete luck. My dad was looking down on me when simultaneously my mom said, “look up!” I was strolling Jade to our neighborhood park with my mom when she noticed a literary agents office, adjacent to the playground. It was on the first floor of a brownstone with a sign above the overhang. I called, pitched my story, we met in person, and the rest is history. The icing on the cake is my agents name, Jeff. Does landing an agent usually happen this way? Probably not. But I would say that meeting in person sells the manuscript much better. Especially if you’re writing a memoir. When an agent can see the face and hear the voice behind the story, it’s everything .

From there, my agent took the reigns in getting my book copy edited, connecting me with a cover illustrator, and eventually getting the book published. The process took over a year.

At the end of it all, here’s what I learned. I’ve heard “No, this can’t work, I don’t get it” more times than you’d imagine. I used all of that feedback as fuel to keep going because I knew in my heart my story was worth telling and getting out into the world. I’d like to quote Cher, because if you’re looking for a quote from Einstein , you’re reading the wrong blog. Cher once said, “If you wait for someone to believe in you, you’ll be waiting forever. You have to believe in yourself.” So whatever your goal is, listen to your heart and go for it.

Blogging with Butterflies

When I started writing Chasing Butterflies, I did it because I didn’t want to be defined as “that girl”. The one who lost her dad (you know where). I didn’t want 9/11 to make me different. I didn’t want the world to see me as tainted because I’d been through such tragedy.

 I’ve come to learn that maybe its okay to have this historic event define me, a part of me anyway. I’ll always be a little bit different, having lost a parent in one of the most historic events in the history of the world. With that label, the most important thing I can do is embrace that difference. It’s my obligation to keep the memory of my dad alive while exemplifying that after tragedy, what defines a person the most is their ability to pick themselves up and keep going.

As I work on my second book which is a continuation of Chasing Butterflies, why not give readers a little taste of what’s to come? That’s living in the moment right now - married with children and continuing to follow my passion in writing. Lastly, how all of this intertwines with my past. Just like my memoir, there’s happy, sad, silly, and tragedy, all cooked up together to create a one-of-a-kind recipe which will have you laughing out loud one minute and grabbing a tissue to dry your eyes the next. But isn’t that what life is? That’s all to come in my next book, and why make you wait? Here’s to blogging with butterflies in 2022! See you in the New Year.